venting

   The worst thing about having a mind like mine; I leave things open for possibilities but also leave too much open space to allow questions flood my thoughts like the Niagara Falls. It's like I am forever wondering and questioning my decisions. I cannot focus on one thing, ADD at it's all time high. I wasn't always like this but it seems my past makes me not only double but triple look at what I am doing and why I am doing it. Some people would look at it as a safety measure, constantly keeping check on myself, when it is actually a disaster in the making when I consider how fast I am able to change my mind. I am young and can accomplish a lot but I am trying to figure out who I am and where I SHOULD go. Not wanting to spend too much time in one area of studies or one residence hoping something will just hit me in the face and say "heyyyy, I have been looking for youuuuu!" I am drained and feel my heart dread the very thought of what possibilities my mind will lead me to next. Where do I find that map of destiny where it leads to life has to offer you or what direction do I need to walk so I feel more comfortable? I cannot for the life of me stay stable, once I am I find a way to drive myself to the edge of the cliff. Life is a journey, I understand that but I am not enjoying the ride if I am having to stop every five minutes to make sure I am going in the right direction or wondering if I turned right when I should have turned left!
   I feel like a slave when it comes to money. The supposed expression " you need to work hard to play hard" has lost it's meaning over time. Even money itself has lost its face value. How do you determine what is your worth your time and patience when the work your doing is for a good cause but the pay is not worth the insanity it creates? I can hear the voice inside me say " you can make it work" yet in the forefront all I can think is "how the hell am I going to pay for my gas this coming week?" Am I saving myself by putting in my notice or am I creating another hell for myself in the upcoming weeks? only time will tell.